Sometimes it feels like facing your shadows is a never ending process, and that’s probably because it is. Right now for me anyway, and I can’t help but feel as though I incarnated with an extra abundance of shadow work. That’s okay, I’ll take the surplus, it’s what I singed up for, right? There’s no shame in this game (anymore) either and I welcome all my shadows and do my best to face them head on knowing the only way out is through.
I’m currently working on my overeating habits whether I like it or not. I’m telling you the universe will not hesitate to send you exactly what you need and this time it came in the form of a tower moment. I am no stranger to tower moments which shake up your reality in some way to help you overcome whatever it is you need help with. And right now mine is eating.
Whether it’s stress eating (which they sent a movie to point that out, thanks) or eating out of boredom, or having seconds because it tastes so good, whatever the case may be. I was guilty (for lack of a better word) of D. All of the above. In all fairness most of it is healthy food but while some is not (refined sugar because I like cake and I like cookies), I did also have the attitude of I’ll just skate it off. I know I wrote about that before because I’m well aware that’s not the right attitude.
It comes down to discipline and since I’m not a fan of that word I like to say commitment. I’m at the phase of my journey where I need to be committed, I am on the road to mastery and I should be able to keep my eating habits in check. Mind over matter. I recently heard someone say that consciousness was all about desire, consciousness is desire. My desire to not overindulge needs to be stronger than my desire for a temporary fix that comes in the form of food.
I’ve said this before too and that’s that it has to be my last addiction. I do find comfort in eating, or I should now say I did because I am a week and a half deep with my new routines to help rid me of this last addiction. I was trying but not hard enough because whenever I ate more than I should’ve I skated harder than I should’ve. Well rewind a week and a half ago and boom, I’m out with a fractured wrist. No outdoor skating for me for at least six weeks. I was doing it almost every day mind you.
No yoga for six weeks either, nothing really. That’s a tower moment in my world. That’s a huge tower moment. But at the same time I needed it and obviously I wasn’t able to do it on my own so enter stage left with the universe saying we’ll do it for you. Not only am I hyper-aware of what I’m consuming but I’m finally able to start working towards eating one meal a day which was a goal I’ve been trying to work on but have been unsuccessful.
It’s funny because I had a customer come in last summer, last summer, if that tells you how long I’ve been dealing with this, or how long I’ve been ignoring it. She came in last summer and mentioned she kept having to buy new clothes because she kept losing weight. Naturally I asked her what the secret was and she said she simply stopped eating as much. I heard it loud and clear but was thinking that doesn’t sound like much fun.
Is it frustrating? Yes. Is it difficult? Yes. I figure by the time my wrist is healed and I’m able to exercise again I’ll be able to bring it all together. I’ll be able to balance my outdoor skating (with wrist guards) while having my eating habits under control. It’s not easy right this second but the only way out of this mess is through it. Haha, it’s also allowing me to work on my stillness so yay there’s that. It seems like I always need to slow down. It’s all good though, and at the end of the day it’s all for the greater good and I can appreciate that so thank you.
Love and Light