We opted to get a room at Hilton because the address was 222 Central Ave. We were super tired from rushing to get to the balloon fiesta and we needed to do laundry asap. It was day three and I have to admit I wasn’t feeling it, it wasn’t fun and something had to give. You have to understand that one of the reasons Amber wanted to do this trip was because I was sober, was no longer smoking and that’s where she was wanting to be. I thought it would be a great opportunity to lead by example and help a friend out. I don’t have a problem with other people drinking and smoking but I didn’t realize how much I didn’t want to be around it either.
It’s a very slippery slope not to fall back into old habits and when I had spent the last three days watching her drink and smoke, not to mention buying her packs it started to fester. It took me three days to finally say something because I was trying to not let it bother me and I certainly wasn’t there to tell her what she can and can’t do but by the end of the day I was feeling the negative emotions and low vibrations which is why communication is so important. After getting everything from the van into the hotel room, setting up her bathroom and shower needs and having to look for the laundry facilities I was starting to lose it.
On top of all that I was getting angry because I hadn’t been able to do anything I wanted to do and that was things like yoga, writing and simply relaxing for that matter. My time was consumed by helping her from the moment we woke up to the moment we went to bed. When we weren’t driving I was helping her shower amongst other things, and grab this and move that. I’ll never forget the exact moment after getting her set up and in the shower, I was in the kitchen which was on the other side of the pent house as I’ll call it. I was frustrated because I’d worked so hard to control my emotions and I felt like I was spiraling out of control.
I remember my built up frustration like it was yesterday. On top of everything else I was frustrated because I couldn’t find the laundry facilities on level 2 when I knew they were probably right in front of me (and they were) and not being able to look for it because I had to get back to make sure she was safe in the shower because the shower chair they provided wasn’t completely stable, not to mention she was having to transfer on a normal bathtub which isn’t even accessible really for her but it was the only handicapped accessible room available.
I had reached my boiling point and all I could think to do was call out for help. I asked my team, I begged really for clarity and that’s because I wanted this trip to be fun and so far it was but it wasn’t. Help me understand I asked with tears running down my face. I don’t understand I said out loud many times over. Shortly thereafter I took a deep breath and went to look for the laundry facilities again. It was on that walk that my clarity came through like a flood of information.
Thoughts popped into my head like Amber telling me a few weeks ago that she didn’t want a dime for gas on this trip. Then I remembered her recently telling me it was because I was going to be at her beck and call (her words) and apparently she told me she needed to shower everyday which is a very involved process. And that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This trip wasn’t about me at all. This trip was about practicing the art of selflessness. And that’s when I realized I was in charge of my own destiny and only I could make this right. That’s when the weight lifted and I took a few moments to really put it all together.
I went back to the room and right into the bathroom where I initiated a conversation of everything I had been feeling for the past day or so. I went so far as to tell her that I was starting to feel resentment. I also said that was a strong word and I hadn’t reached that level but it’s the only word to describe how I was feeling when it came to her drinking and smoking. She wasn’t even trying to quit at this point. I told her I didn’t even know where the feelings about her drinking and smoking were coming from and that they weren’t even her problem. If I’m not happy with her behavior that’s my problem because it shouldn’t bother me. Her drinking and smoking, let’s be real it was her smoking that got to me the most, it was something I had to deal with but I didn’t realize I had a problem with it until it was constantly in my face.
I told her I felt guilty for being frustrated with helping her when at the same time I’m watching her and I see how difficult it can be sometimes when I take for granted how easy it is for me to shower. I told her I loved her and I wanted to get through this so we could have a better time, so I could have a better time. I can barely explain how all these emotions surfaced in a matter of an afternoon but I can tell you I was having a hard time.
I’ll tell you what though, she didn’t know I was having a hard time with her drinking and smoking and while me not liking it isn’t her problem she stopped smoking the very next day. Her drinking wasn’t even that bad, it was only at night when she felt the cravings. She switched to vaping because to her it was a form of weaning and I can respect that. Besides, I liked the smell of a candle much better than a cigarette, or maybe it’s the fact that I really did like the smell of the cigarette so much so it made me want to smoke again. Knowing there was no way I could take two steps backwards because I knew all too well this was a big test, perhaps a final even. I knew I could but also knew I couldn’t and for Pete’s sake stop making me want it lol.
Communication is so important and perhaps I should’ve told her how I felt sooner but I see now that it was all part of the process and a great learning curve for both of us. There’s a fine line as well when it comes to feeling sorry for people, in fact you shouldn’t feel sorry for people. Compassion…yes. Empathy…for sure. Even I had to be reminded that we all come here with a blueprint so that means that yes my friend chose to incarnate with the purpose of growing her soul in a wheelchair. And actually I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that she already knew that. I planned on having a conversation with her upon arrival because it’s important to not be in victim mode of any kind. I’ll be honest I was nervous cause I wasn’t sure how she would take it.
When I asked her if she knew why she was in a wheelchair she responded with, “because I can handle it” which made me happy, she was absolutely right. I then added it’s also so she could expand her soul at a faster pace, another form of fast-tracking if you will. When we’re creating our blueprint it’s true, we don’t give ourselves anything we can’t handle. There are those exceptions of course when people do take their own lives or when a walk-in is necessary but that’s not what I’m talking about today.
We woke up the next day feeling refreshed with a clean slate ready to tackle the rest of our trip. I now was well aware that this trip wasn’t about me but rather about me being of service to my friends every need and why she said beck and call. I had to put aside anything about me really and be totally okay with that. I see the lesson now and that’s to make sure I fully understand what it means to be selfless and also be able to get out of the way. I feel like I almost have to prove myself, I don’t want to say worthy because I know I’m worthy, but I almost have to prove to Spirit that not only do I deserve my gifts that have yet to be bestowed but that I understand how it works and that my intentions are pure.
There’s no doubt in my mind this trip was in both our blueprints, it was destined to take place for a number of reasons. I was trippin’ on how we met in the first place and how destined that was too. She rolled into the office of the apartment complex I worked at in Fullerton, California 20+ years ago to get a package. One conversation and it was friends for life, like I said a soulmate. I’m sure we’ve spent another lifetime together as well, probably many which is exactly why we could duke it out (my words) on day three so we could enjoy the rest of our trip. Everything changed and it was for the better.
When you change your perspective, you can change your attitude and when you change your attitude, you shift the dynamics which then change everything.
The next day we shared an intimate moment not only with each other but with Spirit as well. Long story short she insisted on taking another shower before we checked out and the chair the hotel provided broke half way though putting her at the bottom of the tub. As she was finishing up her shower I came to get her and she was crying.
Me: why are you crying?
Her: because I think I need to pray to get out of this tub.
Me: that’s okay.
Her: I don’t know how to pray.
Me: me either but let’s do it anyway.
I know how to pray, you just talk but I wanted to make her feel better. My heart broke as I felt like in that moment I was speaking with her inner child, she was so sad. I will say this though, there are some who pray like champions. I think it’s been referred to as ‘flowery’, I mean I’ll admit I hear some people at church and find myself wishing I could pray like that when in reality there is no right or wrong way to pray which is why you don’t compare yourself to others either. God and/or your Higher Self doesn’t care if it’s long-winded or spoken with fancy words. You just speak from your heart. And get to the point lol. So that’s what we did.
We prayed sitting in the tub together and I then positioned myself with one foot in the tub and one foot out, balancing myself with my hands around her waist. We prayed for strength and confidence and on the count of three she lifted herself in front of me while I pulled her up and balanced her locked between my legs and before I knew it she in her chair. It went like clockwork and she was blown away at how easy it was. I do believe she even said it had to be one of the easiest transfers she’s ever done. We both laughed a sigh of relief and we both knew who got all the credit for such a miraculous moment. It was beautiful really.
I best explained it to her with the movie Poltergeist. The scene towards the end when she’s holding onto her children trying desperately to pull them out and she can’t. She plea’s something along the lines of God help me or God help us and in that moment she had superhuman strength and was able to pull ’em out. That’s just a tiny piece of how amazingly powerful it is. Don’t think for a second that’s not how it works. That’s just one way it works and we experienced it first hand. I’m one big goosey as I type this. And it’s 12:22pm. I love it.
Hilton was super cool about the whole situation too and even comped our room which we weren’t even fishing for. Amber simply wanted them to be aware of what’s ‘accessible’ and what isn’t, and that the chair (along with that bathtub) they had may have worked for some but not her. The staff was very nice and asked her to take the time and write that stuff down because they didn’t know, and you don’t know what you don’t know. After eating at a lovely diner which I will write about later we hit the gas station and we were off to Arizona.
We were so protected on this trip, thank you.
444 baby.
Love and Light