As I come closer and closer to the end of a two year tumultuous cycle I just love it when I receive confirmation that I am exactly where I need to be and no matter what I will triumph with abundance on every level. Sometimes having faith is the hardest and easiest all at the same time and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Just saw 5:55 on the computer timer. 555 HUGE angel number representing change and transformation and if you ask me I’m pretty much the poster child these days. So yeah, a big cycle with so many (messy) lessons learned in so little time is closing and I couldn’t be more excited for what the next one brings.
I’m using this time of Mercury in Retrograde (I’m studying astronomy too) to reflect on all that I have learnt and all that I have overcome and how I did it. A huge part of my cycle and the beginning of my journey had to do with my self-worth. Or lack there of. I’ll be the first to admit it (now), I didn’t realize was just how bad it was. And it’s through these life lessons that I’ve been cracked open and fully exposed left completely vulnerable and hurt and it was because of this process that I was able to identify it and ultimately overcome it. THANK GOD, literally and figuratively making me even more stronger than I was before and I’m far from done. So let that be a fair a warning to anyone trying to get in my way in the future lol. For real though, all I’ve gone through are blessings in disguises that have been necessary for the soul evolution that is leading me closer and closer to my soul purpose and the unconditional love that I have, and desire more of.
I’ve learned to pay attention because people will tell you exactly who they are and yet sometimes I still chose not to believe them and instead want to believe IN them, giving ’em the benefit of the doubt and then as a result I get a (somewhat silent) I told you so leaving me to pick up the pieces and now heal the hurt I actually allowed to occur. Some people just aren’t capable of loving behavior. Narcissists would be a great example and believe me I got my free t-shirt in that department but today my feelings about it are different from what they were even a couple months ago. I’m no longer frustrated to the point of anger with their behaviors. While I still have zero tolerance for allowing it to reside anywhere in my bubble, through my growth and understanding I now have complete compassion and sympathy for it. Why? Because at the end of the day they don’t know any better and it actually really makes me sad to think about how they’re stuck in this ‘meh’ of not having the capacity to love. And it’s even more sad to me that they don’t love themselves. Let’s not forget that to truly be able to love someone you have to love yourself first. I’m the poster child for that too because I’m finally, FINALLY able to (admit it) love myself.
Take the lesson in, learn from it and I mean LEARN from it because there’s no fooling God or your Angels, if you’re faking it you’re only fooling yourself because they all know if you’ve really learned from it. Believe me I tried lol and you know what, that lesson is gonna keep coming back around until you do. Um I think it took me like five times, and that’s not including family because in my eyes those are different as they’re not romantic. You can’t really control those, that is until you’ve finally had enough, say no more and take your power back and it’s sad to say but sometimes you just have to let people go. Family or otherwise. There’s no faking it here either, you really have to let people go and that means not replaying old scenarios in your head. Reprogramming your mind is a difficult task but that’s just one tiny reason people don’t like change. And I think that was the hardest for me, letting go of the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s and just letting it be, but you have to. I’ve finally healed from it (or am still a little) but I’m ready to move forward. I feel come February 3rd (end of retrograde AND Jake Thomas’ Bday…happy bday) my cycle will come to that end I will feel the finale of this huge sense of relief and accomplishment. Not to mention pride, as in feeling proud of myself because I do.
Side note, yesterday was an amazing day with the up close and personal of a real life tortoise walking down the street, he was ginormous and simply amazing. We used to have one when I was in elementary school. Toochie was his name, not mine, his was Thomas. Not quite as original as cool as Toochie lol. His nostrils were so tiny yet I could hear with so much clarity every breath he took into his lungs. Took my breath away in a way, nature is beautiful. God is good. If that’s not a big fat sign from the Universe that he’s my spirit animal, or totem or power animal, I’ll take any and all of ’em. Probably a sign I need to meditate more with the breathing and all, wouldn’t be surprised so with that said, I’m gonna head to the beach cause it’s gonna be a beautiful sunny day so I’m gonna take advantage of my free vitamin D and rejuvenate, meditate and appreciate while bettering my tan.
Love and Light