Went to the Freedom Coalition Festival yesterday which was cool, I’m down to support anybody in recovery especially with my background. I wouldn’t say I’m in recovery, I mean I guess technically I am but over the years I’ve learned to not label anything really. I can drink, I just choose not to and that’s for a number of reasons. AA works for a lot people and I think that’s great, it wasn’t for me though. Perhaps it’s because I was always in trouble there for a better part of a decade, it’s like I was always on probation lol so it was shoved down my throat whether I liked it or not and towards the end (or beginning let’s be real) it just got on my nerves.
They put these on every table and actually said they had twenty cases of ’em which is pretty hardcore and really makes you think. The struggle is real that’s for sure. She announced that they weren’t for us but rather for those still suffering and I liked how she said, “you can’t save their life if they’re dead.” That was pretty eye-opening and speaks a lot of truth. I often wonder (especially in that moment) if I could’ve saved my brother. Maybe it’s too soon to discus the reality of his situation but it is what it is. I had no idea he was that deep in his alcohol abuse. I knew he was headed down a dangerous road because I lived with him briefly and I’ve been down that road myself. Fortunately I was able to pull myself out before it was too late. I knew he was drinking more than most knew but I had no idea it would happen so fast. The reality of it though is that he didn’t want any help, he didn’t want to be saved and that’s why he pushed me away in the first place. That’s twice now I’ve seen what it’s like for someone to lose the desire to live and drown it in alcohol, that’s a very scary place to be. The will to live is as real as it gets and once it’s gone it’s gone.
My brother is exactly where he wanted to be right now though and I’m okay with that. He came to me in my dreams the night before his memorial service and that’s all the conformation I need to know he’s now happy, healthy and thriving and for that I say thank you. I still wish I would’ve known but at the end of the day there was nothing I really could’ve done. Just being there for him in his final days and letting him know I wasn’t mad at him, I had forgiven him and reminding him how much I loved him was all he needed to be at peace and let go and I’m grateful he did. I miss him of course but he’s in a much better place now and that’s a beautiful thing.
Besides, I get signs all the time from my passed on loved ones reminding me they’re with me always and that brings me a lot comfort and gives me the strength and confidence I need to continue on this unpredictable journey of mine, even when most don’t quite understand it. I’ve become content with others not knowing what I’m really up to as I continue to learn and grow. In fact, I don’t want everyone to know everything I’m up to. Nope. It will all come to fruition when the time is right. My angels and guides and passed on loved ones know what I’m doing and they’re actually the ones guiding me so there’s that.
Angel number 111 is coming in loud and clear. I’ve also heard angel numbers called pay attention numbers which is another perspective, or way to look at it. It coincides with numbers 1111 and 11, which is a master number of course. According to Kryon 1111 is associated with old souls and a reminder when you see it that you are one and also carry the wisdom and knowledge of many lifetimes who are here to do specific work one way or another. Double Digitology considers 111 to be an instant snapshot of your thoughts, something I’m learning to really pay attention to. It’s taken a while but I’m finally at the place where when I do see numbers, especially 111, I can catch myself and recognize what it is I’m thinking.
Thoughts are so important, more important than most realize and it’s definitely not easy to always control them. Think of your thoughts as purchase orders to the Universe of what you’re choosing to create in your life and know they help you create your experiences. Those who lose the will to live most likely have constant negative or low vibrational thoughts and much like my brother can fall easily into a depression, which is no joke, and then you add (excessive) alcohol and it’s a recipe for disaster, digging a hole so deep it’s difficult to climb out. Most don’t, or can’t rather.
Some KLR because they’re funny.
It’s 11:11pm. Nigh Night.
Love and Light