I love Huntington Beach, it holds a special place in my heart and always will. The sunsets are breathtaking and I’m grateful to have the luxury right now of enjoying them more often than not. I ended up in Huntington Beach for a number of reasons, my brother being one of ’em.
As I’m doing my best to enjoy my “quiet time” it’s given me a chance to do some reflection and really put into perspective how far I’ve come. I spent so much time on the beach when I was living in my car, walking the beach listening to music comforted by the sky whether it be day or night. So much healing took place in those days and while I didn’t realize that that’s what was happening at the time I understand now that that’s exactly what was happening.
I remember the first few weeks in my car, man it was rough lol. I didn’t know quite how or what to do with so many aspects of, I don’t like to say homeless because I had a roof over my head but I wasn’t sure how to navigate a nomad lifestyle. I remember washing my chonies at the public sinks down at the beach with the soap they handed out in homeless goody bags. It wasn’t long before I figured it all out though, slowly but surely. It wasn’t too long before I started selling bracelets and sold just enough to get by and become a member of Planet Fitness which is where I took my showers. I continued to discover more resources like food banks and before I knew it I was living my best life with what little I had.
I didn’t require much though, I was just happy to be out of the drama with family members and everything else I had just walked away from, I was discovering not only myself but what freedom really felt like. I was the happiest I’d been in a long time and didn’t even care that I was literally starting over (again). I was happy to be free. The church really helped me in the beginning too and there’s no doubt in my mind I ended up locking my keys in my car that one Sunday between services right in front of the church and then knew that there was messages to be heard.
I’m very grateful for everything the church provided. Not only was it the beginning of discovering so many truths starting with the importance of forgiveness but it’s also where I was able to start networking with the people who would continue to help me throughout the following year. People who opened their hearts, their homes and their wallets to help me get back on my feet after losing everything. I don’t like to say lose really, I was lovingly forced by the universe to leave unhealthy situations behind and begin an incredible adventure of self-discovery where I learned to depend on myself, love myself again and develop an intimate relationship with Spirit.
It’s taken a minute but I now know the utmost importance of forgiveness, it one hundred percent is a key to living a happy, healthy life and it isn’t always easy. It takes time and understanding and compassion. It’s rarely as simple as a few words. I’ve now realized a big part of this lifetime, for me anyway, is about forgiveness. There’s a reason I was abused as a child. There’s reasons I did stupid shit. There’s a reason I was betrayed by the man who raised me and there’s a reason why my brother betrayed me. All for purpose. If you told me that when it was happening or shortly thereafter, I would’ve told you you were nuts. It’s taken time for me to realize all the lessons in ’em and even more time to really forgive all of ’em. Most importantly, learning to forgive myself.
Forgiveness is complex, can have many layers and means something slightly different for everybody as everyone has different experiences. But at grass roots you have to come to terms with the trauma or whatever needs healing, find the lessons in it all and figure out what it is that’s helping your soul grow. Whether it be physical/mental abuse, divorce, cheating, stealing, lies. It can be small things too, I’m just giving examples of biggums and things that pertain to my life. Chances are you chose the trauma or the drama before you even arrived, your blueprint if you will, which is difficult for people to comprehend but chances are it’s true. You have to make friends, or make peace with that trauma and that’s when you finally are able to forgive those who hurt you in order to make space for compassion and actually find love for it all. Easier said than done because it most definitely is, and like I said, it takes time.
My brothers passing was about forgiveness. I didn’t realize it then but I needed to forgive him in order for him to pass peacefully, and for me it was important that he didn’t feel alone in his final days. It was also a test from the universe to see how far I’d come. It’s also a prime example of why you don’t hold grudges. If you’re harboring ill feelings towards someone (especially if you truly care about ’em) and then they pass, well you have to live with that till you get the chance to make it right whether that be on the Other Side or in another lifetime. The situation of forgiving my brother came easy for me though as he’s my brother and even though he hurt me big time last year, in cahoots with another member of our family, it was still something I was able to do and that’s because I’m doing the work and learning how to be a better human.
Hurt people hurt people. That statement was a gamechanger for me. Having triggers and feelings of anger towards people who’ve harmed us in any way is normal and is what makes us very human but we should never refuse to forgive people and once you’ve realized the God inside you then you know the Divine in you is perfectly capable of forgiving anything and everything and anyone.
Phew though lol, what a ride thus far. It’s incredible when I really think about how it all unfolded and continues to unfold, how everything magically shows up when it’s intended to. How I always had everything I needed right when I needed it and how I was able to always keep a positive attitude while staying optimistic because some how deep down I always knew it was for purpose and everything would work itself out. I just had to keep showing up and keep going. The hardest part is now over but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t all for purpose and how clearly I can see that now. Everything continues to get better and will continue to be better and I’m extremely grateful for all the hard times and tough lessons I’ve been through because I’m becoming the person I was always meant to be.
And just when I think I can’t be humbled anymore than I already have enter stage left with losing my sense of smell and taste during my recalibration of whatever you want to call the bug I just had. It put me in a funk I’m not gonna lie, I was so sad to have lost those two senses. I had no idea how much I enjoyed smelling my pillow, and my lotions, how much I enjoyed smelling my pillow because of my nighttime face lotion, until I couldn’t. I always knew I was a sniffer and thoroughly enjoy all-things-smell-good, not to mention tasting my food. After like three or four days of my pity party I finally prayed to Archangel Raphael and wondered what took me so long because wouldn’t you know it, the very next morning they both returned. Say what you want about what you will, there was a higher power at play and I got a good laugh when I was thinking Archangel Raphael was probably wondering what took me so long too. Now I have such a deeper appreciation for everything I smell and eat and for that I say thank you!
Fun fact about Archangels. Apparently they all work in tandem so when you call upon one Archangel you’re actually calling all of ’em to the plate because they all show up no matter what or who you call. Makes sense really because they live in the land of oneness, a realm where everything truly is connected. I even heard that once we transition we all become one again too. It’s a little hard to wrap our human brains around the concept because, well, we have human brains. Someone asked if they would be with their passed on loved ones again and that’s when the speaker explained that we all become one again. I don’t even completely understand it but I don’t have to, I just know and can only imagine how wonderful it is once we move on. We most definitely connect with our soul squads, those we choose lifetime after lifetime to reincarnate with to help us one way or another with our soul growth. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me.
I’ve learned so much in so little time and for someone who has a hard time with timing it has been challenging. I am an Aries after all so patience is definitely something else I need to learn to fully embrace in this lifetime. I’ve learned to trust the process though while also learning to embrace the art of surrendering to that same process knowing deep down that I am being guided. My path is illuminated by higher powers and I give gratitude to them all on a daily. It’s miraculous, it’s extraordinary and sometimes indescribable, but at the end of the day it’s pure unconditional love.
Time goes by quicker than I think which is another aspect of my journey, and should be for everyone, and that’s doing my best to be in the present moment. I’ve gotten better at it, I stop and smell the roses, literally and figuratively, whenever possible. Spending time in nature is important for me, just being outside is an important part of my life now. I hung out with this dragonfly for like five minutes just admiring the beauty of it all. The wings are incredible and remind me somewhat of the stone work in the ancient temples or buildings, just a reminder that everything’s connected. I stared at this dragonfly for like five minutes and asked him politely to wait for me to return with my phone so I could get a picture, and it did! At one point there was a songbird, a hummingbird, a white butterfly and this dragonfly all at the same time. And did you know that songbirds help the plants grow? True story.
My journey continues and will never end really, I now look forward to what’s next. I will continue to learn and grow and when the time is right I will step into what it is I’m here to do. I have faith and I have Spirit, and I wouldn’t be this far without either of ’em. And for that I say thank you. In fact I’ll share something I say quite often, some would say they’re mantras but I don’t know that word sounds a little spiritually trendy to me lol. Then again I thought the same thing about yoga until I tried it for the first time last week and loved it. My angels and guides, ancestors and galactic family along with my soul family, my mom and brother, all of ’em are such an important part of my everyday routine and I’d be lost without ’em so I make it a point to remind ’em how much they mean to me and give gratitude. Gratitude is another key factor to a happy, healthy life. I thank them all quite often…
“Thank you for seeing me…
Thank you for hearing me…
Thank you for guiding me…
And thank you for loving me.”
It’s 11:11 pm. Love and Light