Let me tell you where I’m at right this second. I have to admit I’m a little embarrassed to share this information because I feel like I should be beyond this but it’s also important that people understand it’s completely normal. I consider myself to be far enough along to know better but you just never know what’s going to surface (or hold you back) and taking out the trash so to speak is something we’re all familiar with.
Besides, it’s my favorite kind of morning. It’s chilly and gloomy so typing and creating from the comfort of my bed is like a luxury dream come true. That and the fact that writing is a great way to express yourself and clearly my blog has been one of my greatest tools to keep me moving forward. Writing things down, especially things that may be blocking you is a great way to process information so you can simply move forward. I actually came to a conclusion yesterday and this morning I feel better as I’m sure my soul did some extra searching last night in my dreamscape.
This morning I feel clear with what needs to be done, I’m not too excited about it considering I’ve known about this yet have been in somewhat of an avoidance phase. It’s funny because it was brought to my attention a couple weeks ago through the movie Peaceful Warrior with Nick Nolte. Let’s be real, it’s been brought to my attention twice in the past month or so. It’s time to take out the trash and clear the clutter from my brain. In one word and in my world that means meditation. For whatever reason I have been fighting it tooth and nail. I’ve mentioned it before but last night it was brought to my attention again and this time with reasons as to why.
Nothing I didn’t already know but when it’s shown to you with words and in a way that hits you like a ton of bricks you feel as though you have no choice other than to comply and completely surrender. I guess I was fibbing to myself when I said I surrendered in the past because here I am today fully in the silent struggle of stagnation where I know the way out, I’m just not actively taking the steps to get there. I am, just not with enough conviction which is why this final push is proving to be difficult for me.
Meditating. Not my favorite thing to do and nothing I haven’t already admitted. Plain and simple…it’s boring. Between my fire trifecta and the programming of instant gratification it just doesn’t move fast enough for me. Nothing happens is what I say if and when I’m whining about it. I understand I have to go within with no expectations but when nothing happens after sitting there for an hour (if I even make it that long) I get frustrated and wonder why it’s even necessary.
I also understand taking out the trash means mastering the thoughts, which lead to things and I’m no stranger to thinking positive. But have you ever sat there and really examined your thoughts? They’re pretty wild, tend to come from nowhere and are completely random at times. If you’re really paying attention they can be pretty funny. Sometimes I’m like where did that even come from? Half the time they’re not even ours so to clear the clutter makes sense and I’ve actually gotten better with this over time. That’s not really the problem, the problem is where I know I’m headed.
I know I’m destined for experiencing different realms and other dimensions and for whatever reason I don’t know if it’s my subconscious, my past life failures or even what it is that’s keeping me from not wanting to go there. The fact that I’ll most likely enter my past lives through accessing the Akash could be what’s subconsciously holding me back. I’m not 100% sure what the problem even is. And then my Higher Self showed me it’s fear.
I was taken aback and was like, well when you put it that way I guess I have no other choice, no fear’s gonna hold me back which is why I wake up today with this undeniable need to face this head on and prove to myself I can do it. I have to get over the fact that I find it boring which is just an excuse and put in the time and dedication and prove to myself that I truly am devoted to this process.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve been doing the work but I haven’t been doing it wholeheartedly. I wake up and listen to my music for an hour or so then will do some kind of meditation and then listen to whatever it is my Higher Self wants me to see that pops up in my feed. All said and done, I say I meditate for at least three hours every morning but then the buck stops there. I currently have the time which is no accident and one of the reasons for my isolation these days. To do the practices.
I’ll never forget the day I was standing in line at Barnes & Noble and saw this gift card, speaking of ton of bricks, that’s exactly what it felt like. It was one of those claircognizant moments that stopped me in my tracks because I just knew something was speaking to me. I didn’t know exactly what it meant, and honestly still don’t to this day. I don’t know if it means physically, mentally or dimensionally. Now I think it’s fair to say it’s meditatively. I heard someone say recently that meditation will take you anywhere.
The phrase showed up again last year at the music festival in Redondo Beach. It once again literally stopped me in my tracks as I was walking through the hotel on my way to grab my friends. There is was all big and bold in the lobby by the elevators and that same feeling washed over me and I knew it meant something special. Every now and again this phrase pops into my head not just to tease me but now I gather it’s to remind me that this too is a bridge. Meditation is my bridge from the physical to the spiritual and is the only thing holding me back right this second.
The fact that I’m fighting it actually speaks volumes and I’m well aware it has to take center stage. No more pussyfooting around as my mother would say (and only to me). It’s truly time to dig deep and dive deeper to get me where I need to go. If you want to get multidimensional, I’ve already accomplished this and have already succeeded so I literally just have to show up and take the necessary steps which ironically enough are to sit here and do nothing. My Higher Self wants to take me on an adventure inwards and the only way to get there is through the stillness of a meditative state.
1027…my magic number. All things are possible with me, my Higher Self and I. And I’m going to take that fully charged battery as my green light to giddy up and do what I have to do to get there so game on. Or maybe, just maybe the whole point is to rest in the stillness of being. Time will tell.
Love and Light