It didn’t take long for my job to remind me I’m there to fine tune my mastery right along with simply working on myself. We all have those ‘isms’ as I like to call ’em that come with our personalities that sometimes need a little tweaking here and there. Mine right now just so happens to be impulsiveness which is a huge Aries trait, right along with validation which is something Leos tend to need.
I’ll spare you the details because they don’t even matter but I recently found myself in a situation with one of my coworkers that left me at first taking deep breaths accompanied by some slight eye rolls. I can laugh at it now but when I’m in the thick of it, I tend to overthink, take it personal, and it can even affect my sleep. I don’t know what frustrates me more, being in the silly situations or knowing that I’m in ’em with purpose, that they’re happening specifically so I can learn from them.
Either way, they’re happening and the way I see it, the only way out of these situations is to go through them. The same goes for the collective right now with everything that’s happening all over the globe. I can’t help but to feel like I’m living for the collective these days, or at the very least I’m absorbing some if not all of the collectives energy, if that makes sense, because it doesn’t always to me.
What I do know and kind of understand is that whenever I work on myself it helps the collective. On some quantum entanglement level we’re all connected and somehow when we work on bettering ourselves we’re also helping others do the same so it’s just something I do. Besides, why wouldn’t you want to be better?
I know a big part of where I’m at is overcoming the turmoil, finding peace in the unnecessary roughness of the overthinking and overindulging. I say overindulging because we went on a hot air balloon ride yesterday morning and while I can say no to the cigarettes and champagne I couldn’t say no to the delicious chocolatey snacks they provided.
Nor did I say no to the pancakes at Denny’s that aren’t normally on my personal menu. I hadn’t eaten pancakes for probably six or seven years and for whatever reason I’ve had ’em three times in the last month. IHOP on Main Street takes the gold for the record that thank goodness nobody’s keeping, not on the other side of the veil anyway.
If there’s one word to describe the importance of the experience here on planet Earth it’s balance and right now I’m just trying to find it in every avenue of my life. The balance with being impulsive, perhaps I should think a little more before I go trying to control situations which is also a lesson in not having to be in control and I don’t know how many times I need to be reminded that I’m not, clearly it’s a lot because I keep finding myself in situations reminding me of just that.
Maybe I’m being too hard on myself when it comes to my guilty pleasures of sweet indulgences, maybe I’m overthinking this too. Perhaps I should try to just let it happen naturally like I did with becoming vegetarian, it wasn’t overnight. See, I’m overthinking all of this right this second as I’m typing and at the end of the day it’s mental turmoil. Francis, it’s all about finding peace in the turmoil.
In all fairness I’m constantly training my mind for peaceful turmoil but as you can imagine it’s exhausting. You don’t even have to imagine because we all do it! But I guess anything worth having sometimes takes discipline and/or hard work and one of these days, hopefully sooner than later it’ll naturally wean itself. That’s the goal anyway.
In the meantime I will just continue to work on myself in my little chambers because I can’t help but notice all my 555’s as of late which is all about change and transformation. I’ve seen 555 in the last five movies I’ve watched. I keep seeing black spiders too, I’ve seen five of those in the last two days. I saw one last night as it ran across the tissue paper at work. There’s a black widow hidden in the top right of the photo, I see her almost every night as she hangs out just inside the gate where I live.
I also keep hearing in so many words not to let what other people say bother me, or it doesn’t matter what other people think, etc. I’ll be honest every time I here something along those lines I be like greeeeat, what’s next? Haha I’m afraid to ask because there’s a good possibility it’s already on its way. But it all boils down to the turmoil and getting out of my head so at least I get it. Knowing is half the battle, right? Right.
I do have faith everything works itself out because it always does, I do have a mantra I like to say and it’s ‘everything is always working out for me’. I am highly protected right along with guided and I have to keep reminding myself of this. I need to let go of the reigns, stay in the present by living the best life possible from moment to moment while I get through this phase of learning and waiting patiently to see what’s next.
I don’t need validation from anyone because I know who I am and who I’m becoming. I don’t need to know details right this second because everything is unfolding exactly the way it should and in divine order. I will continue to wait and work on myself as I’m sure it’s a never ending process especially for someone who feels like there’s always room for improvement.
This was actually my second time on a hot air balloon, we had a ballooner eclipse as our guide called it, it was so cool. If I had to describe going up in a balloon with one word it would be peaceful. We saw a hawk, jack rabbit, owl and coyote in action doing their thang. I saw two coyotes two different times, all of it was super cool to see.
Thank you Amber and Pala Casino, thank you Spirit for the amazing experience. I know Spirit’s doing little things to help boost my morale. It’s the little (and big) things that keep me going.
Not that I need to feel better (about) myself but when there’s constant situations where you have to be the bigger person by swallowing some pride or not having to be right, it can take a little bit of a toll. Like almost everything else I’m learning along the way though, I just have to do it until it comes naturally. I have to go through these experiences until it really doesn’t bother me (what other people think).
Love and Light