Plowing Through the Lessons of Frustration & Procrastination

I am being tested left and right, sideways and backwards and it feels like some serious rapid fire. For real, it’s almost all I can do to keep my composure at times and I’m doing my best to stay cool as a cucumber. But it’s hard. At least I’m at the point in my journey where I’m fully aware I’m being tested and realize that it’s all part of my preparation and I still have stuff to learn and master. But it’s really hard sometimes.

It’s hard to plow through the frustration while doing my best to keep a smile on my face. I get to the point where I’m not feeling the almighty attitude of gratitude and have to put myself in check. While I’ll never allow myself to get stuck in the suck or play victim, it’s very easy to slip into a pity party of one, it sometimes takes a wee bit longer than it should (this past week) to snap out of it. Let’s be real, I was on a spiritual strike, if you will. I was even a little bratty-pants and went and bought a pack of smokes. I don’t plan on continuing to smoke but I’ll tell you what, I’m still gonna smoke every single one of those tar bars and like it. I’ve got no problem quitting cold turkey, I just wish I could say the same for cake lol just kidding. I’m constantly working on myself and in fact after I got home from work last night I went and sat in my car to remind myself just how far I have come.

My faith is being tested, my patience is always being tested, and lately I’m being tested with what feels like all things financial, dental and spiritual. But that’s okay because at the end of the day I have a heart of courage and determination and despite all I’ve been through there’s a flame inside me, an inner drive to face this life head on fearlessly. Finally. I feel okay now but I couldn’t admit that a few days ago. Last night while praying I confessed so to speak, which is silly cause they see everything, about exactly how I was feeling which is tired, frustrated and impatient. I even told my mom I haven’t seen any coins lately and how that made me sad.

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed even though 5am came quick but wouldn’t you know it, I found a penny on my way out of work and it filled me with so much joy. Throughout the day it’s almost as though my thought process has magically shifted and a lightbulb literally has gone off as to where I’m at exactly in my journey. I feel almost a complete transformation from barely 24 hours ago and I couldn’t be more grateful for my change in perspective not to mention attitude. A complete revelation on where I’m at and where I’m headed and how I’m getting there. It’s amazing really. I don’t recommend pity parties of one or spiritual strikes lol.

I’m well aware this isn’t my forever job, I’ve known that from the get go, but I can’t explain the relief in now knowing exactly why I’m working this job (there’s multiple layers to it just like my journey) and now its up to me to get all my ducks in a row, enter stage left with procrastination. This job is allowing me the time and money to take care of my shit, and believe you me, I’m doing just that. Again with a finally. I rode my bike for about an hour today and the angel numbers were coming at me fast like rapid fire too, and for that I say thank you. It feels so good to be back on track with even more insight than before. Spirit’s so awesome.

It hailed in Huntington Beach yesterday, yes it did. I love it. California is most likely not my forever home, I can tell you that right now. I miss snow like the desert misses rain, like peanut butter misses chocolate.

It’s definitely a rollercoaster and I feel like these past few days (or week and a half) are just another exam because the universe wants to see how far I’ve really come, how much I’ve really learned. While it feels like everything’s hitting me all at once, in reality I’m tying up loose ends because I can’t move forward until I do. I’m taking care of things that should’ve been done a while ago and I’m getting my big fat lesson in procrastination, and duly deserved because I’m queen of it.

I’ll end this post that’s taken me a whole night and day to complete, but that’s okay because there’s a lot to be shared. I’m about to come at you with a bunch of truth bombs because I like truth, especially when it can be controversial. Oftentimes the more controversial it is depicts how true it is. Thanks Vince Groman for the following confirmation. He speaks truth through knowing.