Reflection
I just want to reflect a little about my spiritual journey thus far. I’m very grateful for my awakening although at times it can feel like a love-hate relationship because like I’ve said before, it’s not for the faint of heart. But at the end of the day I’m extremely and forever grateful for all the trials and tribulations that have forced me to dig deeper than I thought possible.
Heck, I don’t think I even knew what digging deep was, oh wait, that’s not true. I’ve most definitely dug some deep ass holes for myself that were difficult to climb out of but at the end of the day, I always do. One of my Popo’s favorite words was persevere and if you walked even a mile of my last seventeen months you’d agree my picture should show up next to the definition.
There’s quite a few words I’d show up next to I’m sure. A few I’ll claim and a few I’ve been named but whatever, fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke lol.
“I’m very proud of who I’m becoming.”
I‘ve learned so much about myself, become more connected to me and to everything. I’ve become more courageous and understanding, and I’m very proud of who I’m becoming. At this very moment. I’m still learning to believe in myself but what do you expect when you’ve basically been silently bullied your whole life.
It’s no wonder I’ve been co-dependent, that’s how I was raised. But it’s cool, all is forgiven (a work in progress anyway) and the fact that that’s a fact and I still have nothing but love to share and want to give with everybody I encounter says a lot about who I am, and for that I’m proud. And so is my mother.
I feel like all the hardships I went through and am still going through were necessary to prepare me for the next phases in my journey and in my life. And believe me when I tell you I’m still encountering ’em. They’ll never stop.
I will always be ever-evolving as a human being. I can only pray they’ll get a little easier maybe but it’s cool cause I don’t think there’s anything at this point that can phase me. For real, nothing surprises me anymore.
At this moment, here and now, I’m in healing mode. I’m tired. I’m really tired but it’s okay because it’s all part of the process. The process of taking my power back, forgiving myself, forgiving others, healing myself so I can help heal others. Ending patterns and cycles, ending energy blocks and learning to truly love myself. Unconditionally. Taking my power back.
What a great subject and soon I’ll tell you exactly how I did it. I’m switching gears from “survival” mode to “thrival” mode, if you will, and will continue to heal and challenge myself focusing on my innate nurturing abilities to hopefully inspire those around me.
I believe in God, I believe in Spirit, I believe in the Universe and I believe in myself and I know they have my back. And so does my ever protecting Angel Brigade. Thank you thank you thank you.
Literally just stumbled across this poem I wrote like three weeks ago-ish. I think it’s appropriate and poetry is the only way I really know how to express myself. I’m not very good otherwise.
I can be too blunt, too stubborn and kind of a know it all. But only when I really do know it all, lol just kidding. Remember, I too am a work in progress. At least I recognize and am willing to make changes to better myself.
This situation sucks, it’s really super sad.
I Already lost my mom, now I’m losing dad.
It’s not my choice to make, it’s rather what he chooses.
“Doesn’t think it can repair”, he’s the one who loses.
I’ll try to show compassion, I wish we didn’t fight.
But it’s hard to compromise, we both think that we’re right.
I love him and I’ll miss him, It’s a shame it has to end.
I pray that he finds peace, and our broken hearts to mend.
It comes with much resistance, but this chapter I will close.
Releasing my attachment, so hard cause no one knows.
When I leave I won’t come back, a bitter pill to swallow.
But I have to keep on trucking, my path I have to follow.
Another leap of faith, blindly I move on.
Guided and protected, there’s always a new dawn.
A dawn with a new day, blessed for what I’ve got.
Still blessed to be alive, although I’ve lost a lot.
More than most could stand, with Faith I understand.
Everything’s for purpose, not much I can’t withstand.
Not scared of the unknown, I relinquish the control.
I’m fearless and I’m Aries, and I love with heart and soul.
— Melissa Parker
— Your Friendly Neighborhood Fearless Leader