It’s crazy how you can go from cloud nine to down in the dumps in the blink of an eye or ending of a day. Then, usually with a good nights sleep, you’re back to normal. Unfortunately that’s what an awakening is all about. One minute you’re on top of the world thinking you’ve got it all figured out and the next you may feel like you’ve been sucker punched in the throat or like you took a wrong turn. All totally normal when you’re in the beginning stages of a spiritual awakening.
There really isn’t stages in my opinion because every single journey is unique to each induvial and if there’s anything I’ve learned is that what one experiences doesn’t necessarily mean you will too. There is a unique path destined for every person who decides to search for their own personal truths and those truths certainly don’t have to be the same from one person to the next.
I guarantee most people won’t agree with everything I have to say, most probably won’t even like it but that’s okay, believe me I get it because it’s a lot. Not only is it a lot but it’s also out there and considering all the conditioning and programming, not to mention grooming, it’s hard to grasp at first. With time though everything I’m sharing will make more sense, when it comes to other worldly things anyway.
It should be easy to understand the concept of wanting to better yourself because that is my main goal these days and is my main focus moving forward. In fact I’m not even trying to figure things out anymore. I’ve probably said that before and will most likely say it again because I keep finding myself trying to control everything.
I knew on some level that this past isolation deep dive was 
gonna have something to do with Spirit helping me understand what being in turmoil meant and let me tell ya, it didn’t disappoint. I’ve mentioned before that it’s difficult to see the silver lining when you’re standing on top of it, and so goes the fact that it’s hard to see the blessing in disguise when you’re stewing in it.
I would go so far as to say I went through another dark night of soul which essentially is when everything you thought you knew may need to be perceived through a different lens. I was questioning everything including myself as to what I thought I was doing when at the end of the day I was trying to predict what I thought my next steps ought to be.
I was trying and wanting to move forward when clearly I still have more to learn where I’m at. Or maybe there’s people that still need to learn something from me. The student inside will never go away because I’m a life long learner, we all are. I’ll be honest though, I was really hoping for my divine counterpart but the fact that I’m still single tells me either we’re not ready or the timing just isn’t right and that’s okay too. When the time is right, the union will happen exactly the way it’s meant to.
Love isn’t random by the way, it’s chosen, even those romantic relationships that don’t work out. Don’t think for a second those aren’t put in place on purpose because every single relationship, friendship, situation-ship is an opportunity to learn and grow. The ones that don’t work out are just as important because they’re the ones that really make you grow, if you open to learn from ’em.
At the very least you learn what you don’t want while others help you to better yourself by either forcing you to stand up for yourself or move on knowing you deserve better. Perhaps some are put in place to show you you have the courage to open yourself up again so you can overcome the feelings of abandonment or betrayal.
Hopefully when you recognize that not everyone’s out to get you but rather to teach you then perhaps it won’t be so easy to harden your heart, close people off or put up that wall
. At the end of the day we all have the innate desire to love and be loved. It’s a God-given birthright. For me though I’ve had to release myself from the wants and needs of that companionship in order to release myself from the turmoil. Just when I think I have it figured out…I don’t.
I will continue to trust and have faith in divine timing knowing the relationship that’s meant for me, will come into my life exactly when it’s supposed to and until then will continue to focus on me, on my body, my mind and my spirit. I’m not gonna lie, it’s hard for someone who considers herself to be a very affectionate person. It feels almost inhumane for someone like me to not have the affection I want and deserve.
In the meantime I will work on building that bank account again, I let that money energy ebb and now it needs to flow. I’ve released my financial turmoil as well and that’s by going back to work but that’s a post for another day. I move forward today fearlessly with the strength and courage needed to carry on with my head held high walking tall knowing who I am and that everything is going to be okay.
Love and Light