I’ve debated for about a week whether or not to post about this but if I’m not being vulnerable and transparent then I’m not being me. I have to post about this because it’s exactly what my blog is here for, to share my experiences. Journey’s aren’t always easy, in fact, most of the time they’re not because the best, well maybe not the best, but a good way to learn is the hard way. Growth and development can happen a number of ways but for me personally it’s as if learning the hard way is the best way. I know with time and as I mature more and more that will certainly change.
I had my thirty year class reunion, gosh two weeks ago now and while it was a blast and I shared some very special times with some very special people, I also left learning some hard lessons. I fell back into some old habits and left with a big fat reminder that I shouldn’t drink. I don’t normally drink, or at least haven’t for the past two years, but when presented with the situation and environment it was easy to slip back into old habits, and that I did. While I have no regrets because in my world everything happens for a reason, positive or negative, I have to remind myself that I am spiritually here having a human experience and drinking is definitely a battle I’ve faced throughout most of my adult life. My whole family has actually. I just lost my brother to it in May and my favorite uncle in January so it’s no surprise as it runs deep in my ancestry.
I would like to think I’m the one to break the generational curse, in fact I am the one to break the generational curse, I’m the last one, so it’s imperative I get it right. I was listening to The Alchemist when it all clicked. It was nothing I didn’t already know so to speak but sometimes you just need to hear it differently and from a different source, that’s how you get different perspectives. I know that when you don’t learn the lessons you’re here to learn, they keep coming back around until you do but she said, “you either repeat or you evolve.” I heard that and I was like, damn, that’s so simple but it packed such a punch for me. Repeat or evolve.
I’ve been working so hard for almost four years to keep learning my lessons so I can become the best version of me possible knowing evolution on a soul level is the name of the game. But when The Alchemist said you either repeat or you evolve, that was it, that’s all I needed to hear, on top of the lessons I had just learned (again) when it came to drinking to know that it’s game over when it comes to that bad habit. I used to even say, and not even that long ago, I can drink but just choose not to, not anymore. It’s not even an option for me now and I have to say it’s actually kind of a relief if that can even make sense. It does to me and that’s all that matters.
While I was literally laying in bed in the lap of luxury of my “hangover” lol, Matt Kahn crossed my path and it was no coincidence he was there to give me some comfort along with some words of the wise. I do my best not to beat myself up because to err is human but it was no coincidence he was there to gently remind me of a few things. And that he did which truly put my head back in the game. In fact, it was because of his messages that I’m now hyper-focused on my journey which is exactly where I need to be.
The one word that comes to mind when I recall all of his words today is respect. Again, I was like, damn. It’s as if these people are speaking directly to me and that’s because they are. I hear everything I need to hear when I need to hear it. He talked about respect for your journey, respect for others, respect for divine timing and respect for your body. Everything I needed to hear whether I liked it or not. Truth hurts sometimes. It really made me think, and that’s exactly what it was suppose to do.
I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten complacent on my journey but I’ve definitely veered a little off course and his words put it all into perspective and put that spark back where it needs to be, not to mention a little loving smack to get my ass back in gear. I keep trying to control my journey and it’s funny because I bark so much about control and how much I don’t like it and all the while that’s exactly what I’m doing. Stop that lol. I keep thinking I know what’s best and how my life’s going to unfold. I don’t. Talk about course correction…stop trying to control your journey miss thang.
I just said in a recent post that I knew what respect was and how to have it, well Matt’s message was a loving reminder that maybe I need to take a closer look at that word and figure out what it really means and what it really means to me. That’s pretty powerful and I couldn’t be more grateful for the little in your face reminder. Talk about humbling. He mentioned respect for divine timing which is why I have to stop trying to control my destiny and allow myself to just be in the flow. He mentioned respect for your body which came in loud and clear. Let me tell ya, loud and clear. Having respect for my body means not polluting it with a bunch of toxins, and that can be anything from food, to alcohol, to cigarettes and whatever else. Not to mention the things I watch and listen to. All in all I need to have respect for my body because in doing so I then prove to have respect for myself.
Everything happens for a reason, all for purpose. I needed to go through everything I just went through to not only learn some valuable lessons but to get my head back in the game. My journey needs to be my number one priority right now, it should always be my number one priority and Spirit works in mysterious ways. I may not have liked the consequences to the too much fun I had at my reunion but they were necessary. I wouldn’t have heard the messages I needed to hear. I wouldn’t have given my hip the time it needed to heal.
Side note, I hurt my back actually, it’s my hip that feels the discomfort but only when I walk. If you want to get technical I sprained a ligament. I wasn’t even skating when I did it, I was standing in the middle of the rink yapping with an instructor when my feet came right out from under me. Whack, right flat on my back. I’m surprised the needle on the record didn’t scratch it’s way off. It hurt, and truth be told it’s the second time in about a month and half that I’ve done it. Moral of this story, keep moving. Afterall the basis of all purpose is to keep energy of the creation in motion. And your body too I guess. Doctors orders were to rest, but did I? Nope. I did now.
Anyway, again everything happens for a reason and with the time that’s passed I’ve forgiven myself and allowed myself the opportunity to reflect on all that transpired and reminded myself my journey, or every journey rather is about growth and development and evolving into something better. I definitely am leaving better than I came which is always a goal wherever I go. I even feel as though I’ve matured quite a bit from it all and for that I say thank you. It’s time now to focus on what I need to be focusing on while I prepare for another road trip next week for another conference. The doctor said rest you guys lol. Last one for a while though, or who knows because again, I’m not in charge here. Thank you Spirit for everything. And thank you El Dorado class of ’93, I love you all!
Love and Light