I woke from a dream around 4:15 this morning, sometimes my dreams are so real. This one was about my mom and dad and while the dream itself isn’t important, the way I was feeling when I opened my eyes is. I woke up feeling not sad per se, perhaps melancholy but also compassionate. My dream kind of showed the shadow sides of my dad, and I guess my mom too because she landed herself in jail. Again the details aren’t important but what is is the overall compassion I felt for my dad.
I couldn’t fall back asleep and that’s because I spent the next hour reflecting on just about everything we’ve been through and how far I’ve come with how I feel about it. I’m not angry, I hold no resentments, no ill feelings towards him anymore and I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t a wee bit bummed about it all. I’m proud of the strides I’ve made simply in this past year alone, the amount of maturing I’ve done emotionally, and spiritually. There were things that went down shortly before my brothers passing, they did some things that I won’t repeat because I’m not here to gossip and honestly, it doesn’t even matter anymore.
As far as I can see our soul contract has ended and that’s okay. It does bum me out because it wasn’t all bad, growing up, but sometimes you just have to let people go. I learned the valuable lessons that were necessary for my soul growth and that’s all that really matters. I learned most of those lessons in my adult years but needless to say he taught me a lot. I’m always open for forgiveness of course but I don’t think that feeling is reciprocated and that’s okay too. Forgiveness is oftentimes more for the giver than the receiver, it’s a gift you give to yourself. I did give that gift to my brother before he left this place and I did that because it was important. Forgiveness is the ultimate gift of love.
My dream was so real though and there’s no doubt in my mind it was just part of my process of healing, which our body’s do a lot of while we sleep. Sleep is so important to me now, again coming from a girl who did what she could to avoid it for no other reason than I thought I had better things to do. Sleep is critical for your overall health and wellness. Your body innately heals itself while you sleep in every way imaginable and is something I no longer take for granted.
I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I know Spirit is too. I notice it more so when I see myself not gossiping, even when I can. I don’t like gossip, I received enough of those lessons when I was working at the group home, or heard enough gossip to see how unattractive it is. Now I just have no interest in saying anything about anyone unless it’s positive. Who remembers this growing up…if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it all. I have a few rules that I used to have to remind myself of but now they just come naturally. I used to say these things to myself, literally, sometimes out loud…
- Don’t say anything bad about anyone
- Find the positive in every situation
- Always be humble and kind
At the end of the day we are spiritual souls having a human experience. We are all in human form, we all experience our emotions differently as we are all on different levels. We all have our own lessons to learn to help us grow spiritually and we all have shadow aspects of ourselves. We all have a desire to love and be loved and we all have a birthright to love and be loved. The older I get the more I realize all this. The older I get the more compassionate I become and the more I mature. The older I get the less I have to be right and the older I get the more I truly remember we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
Love and Light