I know I’m not here to live a conventional life per se but sometimes I wish I was. There’s something to be said for a little predictability as I sit in my pool of ambiguous wonder. Wondering where my resources will come from next, anticipating what my next steps will be as they’re not always clear until it’s time to take the leap. I find myself forced to embody what feels like an enormous amount of resolve which is easier said than done.
Having resolve means possessing an exceptionally strong, unwavering determination to pursue a goal or overcome obstacles of difficulty. I’m no stranger to any of this however I’m feeling the mental strain of my current unpredictability and persistent training of mastering my mind. I’ll get through it like I always do but sometimes the breakdown before the breakthrough can be the most challenging. I’m sure that’s by design and when I think about how far I’ve come and how different I handle scenarios such as this, I have to be proud of my progress.
While my foot is feeling better I’ve now been blessed with a little recalibration, it’s not even a cold, but I’ve had a slight sore throat for a few days and my nose is somewhat stuffy. Every now and again I’ll sneeze to get it out but it’s not that big of a deal, I can still breathe through my nose at night which is a big deal for me, and it doesn’t require lozenges or anything else. It’s just enough to be acknowledged as a recalibration, a cleansing and clearing of the old.
I did some automatic writing, I don’t want to necessarily say for the first time because I know my oversoul kicks in when I write my articles and helps me out. It is the first time I intentionally (and I’m gonna vote unconsciously) picked up my pen and journal and literally wrote without thinking about what I was writing.
I can’t carry any old versions of myself forward. I’m experiencing some deaths if you will. What will remain is my essence where I’m not just a person but rather a presence.
A force to be reckoned with, a gentle fire of truth. A master of her surroundings, feelings and controlled thoughts. An Empress on her throne of convictions guiding humanity through love and acceptance.
A time where nothing is rushed, a time of relaxation, knowing the future is organizing itself because I am loved and taken care of. I walk with confidence and strength in an ever-evolving world that’s fated for great change understanding every individuals unique journey along the way.
We are all made of light, we are all divine and we are all one. We are all in this together so let’s have some fun…let’s celebrate. I trust the path of my soul, I let my path unfold. I trust the new reality and I trust the new me.
Then I had some side notes that I channeled my oversoul, words that came to me, through me, from a higher guidance. I didn’t realize I was automatic writing until I heard someone mention it in a video and then went back and was like, wow, that’s exactly what that is. To be honest, I hadn’t even read what I had written, I just wrote it and went on my merry way. I’m currently surrendering to all the transformations that are happening what seems like all at once which is why it can be overwhelming at times.
The thoughts are proving to be the most difficult and that’s because the harder you try to quiet them the louder they tend to get, for me anyway and right this second. I’m learning to guide my thoughts, I’m having to constantly redirect my thoughts and then disengage from my thoughts altogether which is the whole point of my solitude I’m sure. It’s just me, myself and my (intrusive) thoughts. Which is also why stillness is so important and I’m receiving help with that too, it’s a process that’s for sure.
Apparently I’m going through a metanoia which is a Greek word meaning fundamental change of mind, heart or direction. It’s a profound psychological transformation and rebuilding of oneself. From what I understand it runs parallel with a dark night of the soul and is a stage where your whole body, mind and spirit come undone so it can come back together in a stronger, higher unified form. It’s basically a melting down of your psyche which is challenging because at times it can be confusing leaving you vulnerable to the false light.
What’s the false light? In the short version, it’s a spiritual system that feeds off of worship. It can be covertly narcissistic with deception, smoke and mirrors, and attacks your belief systems forcing you to use discernment to understand the difference between spiritual mastery and deception. As opposed to true organic light that’s rooted in truth. It’s been described as two arms on the same beast, one negative and one positive.
The false light’s not just about deception but a need to have a hold, or power, over your spiritual sovereignty. Or sovereignty in general for that matter. Whereas true light wants to provide you with enough awareness to make your own decisions with your own free will which is your strongest guiding light, it has zero intentions of taking away your authority. The false light wants to use souls as energetic supply by lowering their consciousness through subservience. That’s a pretty heavy statement.
It reminds me of the conversation between my mom and I when she and my dad were visiting me up in the mountains, this was like fifteen years ago. At the time my boyfriend and I were bickering about something and I’ll never forget my mom suggesting that I agree with him for the sake of argument. I remember being somewhat offended and I’m sure my words were something along the lines of not a chance. I know for a fact I said I don’t bow down to anybody. I didn’t realize it then but that was my sovereignty in full effect. I didn’t even know what that was at the time but now understand the dynamics of giving your power away, which unbeknownst to my mom was something she did all the time.
Needless to say it can be sometimes overwhelming however the true light is guiding my way and like I said I will get through this and the video that was sent my way via The Alchemist was like energetic medicine to my mind. She also said when you’re in the state of metanoia you can feel confused periodically because you’re literally expanding and in doing so that in between confusion can be exploited by the false light for the simple fact that it doesn’t want you expanding to a higher consciousness.
On a lighter note shortly after learning all of this I went to the main house and as I was walking back there was a white butterfly that fluttered its way into the yard. White butterflies have been said to be our passed on loved ones so my immediate response was a hello to my mom with a huge smile on my face and warmth in my heart. I just happened to have my phone on me which is funny because I took it for one reason and didn’t even use it for that but now had it for this precious moment.
The best part though was after taking the picture I looked down at my phone for literally a second and when I looked back to say goodbye to the butterfly it’s as if it just disappeared. I waited long enough to realize that it showed up just for me in that moment which was all the proof I needed to know it was all my passed on loved ones, and Spirit as well saying we’ve got you through this rough patch, this transitional period of preparation. And for that I say thank you.
It’s what’s for dinner.
Love and Light