The whole point of our experience here on this planet is to challenge ourselves, to learn and grow, and to overcome fear and negativity which will ultimately move us forward into a more positive direction. For me, I’m feeling the overcoming negativity on a personal level these days. I’m a pretty positive person as it is and I do my best to remain in that state but I am human, for the most part, like everybody else and can find myself in situations challenging me to see the lessons and then learn from the experience.
I am now understanding why I am surrounded by, I don’t even want to use the word narcissist anymore because for one, I don’t know who has and hasn’t been diagnosed and two, I highly doubt anybody in my general vicinity has been diagnosed. It doesn’t even matter because I’m now seeing the real reason as to why I’m finding myself in particular situations.
I saw a license plate the other day that said ♥ABULLY. It was soon after I experienced watching someone make another person feel a certain way which through my lens screamed bullying, which of course doesn’t sit well with me. Just a few years ago, and I’m sure you can quote me, I would say I have zero tolerance for bullying. Fast forward to now and I’m finally learning to see it through a different lens. One now of compassion and understanding, not to mention forgiveness.
For whatever reason, that I’m slowly but surely coming to the conclusions of, I am here to experience these behaviors. Not just for me to regain my self-worth and sovereignty (which I did) but to also learn to have more compassion while learning to accept others as well. I’m proud of myself as I’ve come leaps and bounds with how I feel about the whole narcissistic behavior thing but also understand it’s a process and one that I agreed to experience before my arrival.
Bullies most likely have never really experienced what love is and I would bet my life they certainly don’t know what unconditional love is. In all fairness I don’t think a majority of people know what true unconditional love is which can really bum me out if I let it. Even religion, Christians anyway, believe their monotheistic God in the Bible to have conditions which is why I have a problem with those translations, but that’s not why I’m writing today.
People with narcissistic tendencies, which is a huge spectrum from the natural dose we need to survive to the self-indulgent system overload that’s produced from early childhood trauma (or trauma in general), which too is a huge spectrum from a little to a lot. It’s a defense mechanism at the end of the day and a really sad one if you ask me. When I saw that license plate, I then saw a series of situations in my mind’s eye that I’ve personally experienced followed by a series of explanations so to speak, which then ended with me feeling different about it all.
I now find myself asking what it is this person went through that has them acting in such a way that they feel the need to put it on others, and that can manifest in many different ways as well. For someone who isn’t diagnosed with grandiose narcissism it’s most likely happening on a subconscious level. I’m not a doctor by any means but I have experienced enough of this behavior in the past five years (and growing up now that I know what it is) to render me the confidence to be able to say that many are simply acting out the way they’ve been treated. For many, it’s a learned behavior which means it’s fixable.
It’s kind of elementary in a way and really sad when you stop and think about it. I find myself asking, or wondering, what did they go through, or who treated them bad enough where it’s now okay for them to turn around and act out in the same fashion? It’s a cycle and for some most likely a generational curse that I’m sure just keeps be handed down generation after generation.
The challenge now is for these people to want to be the change that they want to see. These are the people that have the most potential to grow their souls, it’s beautiful really. It can be anyway. But these aren’t my lessons to learn (anymore), mine are to learn how to have more compassion for those with these types of behaviors because, for the most part, they’re coming from somewhere else and all they need is a little course correction where intension is everything.
Everything starts with forgiveness of self which then leads you to acceptance of self which ultimately lands you at loving yourself. As cliché as it is, and we should all know how I feel about clichés, they speak a lot of truth. You can’t love anybody else fully until you learn to love yourself. This is not only something I’ve gone through in the past five years but am currently tackling, or perhaps fine tuning once again. It’s a lot of work that’s for sure. It looks different for everybody but it’s hard work for all.
Spirit made that quite clear, and has for the past few weeks. In fact, I bought a new oracle deck yesterday because I deserve nice things and this morning I pulled some cards and this is what they were…
More of my current energy and what I have to look forward to…
I know what unconditional love is. I experienced it from my mother and I feel it now from everything I can’t see. Now it’s my turn (to learn how) to return that favor not just for others but also and more importantly, for myself. I’m learning to love me for me, and unconditionally.
There was a heart in the tape. Yay.
Love and Light