I had one of those moments yesterday when I thought I was going crazy. I was fine all day and the next thing I knew I wasn’t. I tried reading, this time from The Secret of Secrets by Dan Brown, who also wrote the infamous Davinci Code, and I just wasn’t feeling it. In fact I was taken aback at how disinterested I was. I’m maybe 90 pages in and thoroughly enjoyed it yesterday. It’s funny, I bought this book I don’t know, maybe four months ago and haven’t touched it, till now. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
The walls felt like they were closing in on me and my head was wanting to go in a direction that I knew was dangerous territory. I put on my shoes and headed to the beach, I needed fresh air. I guess you could say I was angry, and frustrated, and confused, everything was coming to the surface. Swirling in my head were all these thoughts of being over the process (which can be true, it comes and goes), but most of all not getting why I’m not wanting to meditate.
It was overcast so there wasn’t even a sunset to be seen which added fuel to my fire. I went anyway because it just felt like the right thing to do, achy legs and all. After maybe twenty minutes of silence I prayed. It was short and sweet, my invisibles already know what I’m going through and telepathy is in full effect here, but I couldn’t understand why I was struggling with sitting still. I want to but I don’t.
There could be a number of reasons for this, reasons I’ve already expressed, but all I want to do is move forward and I feel like this is the key to unlocking my solutions. After shedding some tears, asking for help and feeling better from the release alone, I headed back. I didn’t ask for a sign, I didn’t even want one. I said out loud before I left that I wasn’t leaving the house for a sign. I was just going to the beach because nature sounded like a good idea.
I may not have asked for a sign, was even a little bratty-pants about not wanting one, but I received one anyway. I was waiting to cross the bike path when I heard two sentences come out of a mans radio as he rode by. No song, although it’s a song I am very familiar with, just two sentences by two different voices. ‘I can’t do this another day’, and ‘let’s get down to business’. That’s it, no tunes, just words.
As I continued crossing it became crystal clear, and it actually made me laugh because it’s almost ridiculous how connected I am. I think I lose sight of that sometimes. Not only did it lift me up but it had me laughing out loud because I interpreted it as a simple conversation between me and my Higher Self.
Me: I can’t take one more day of this
Higher Self: (so) let’s get down, let’s get down to business (as the song goes)
Talk about short and sweet, that’s all I needed to put the spring back in my step. I don’t know how you’re gonna do it I said, but thank you, I need all the help I can get right now. Upon returning home, I took a shower, ate my dinner which consisted of romaine lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers (no dressing) followed by watermelon. 
I then crawled into bed, did some candle gazing, and rested in stillness until I rolled over and went to sleep.
This morning I awoke and after recording my dream, I went immediately into meditation. I basically laid there enjoying the sounds that presented themselves. I expressed gratitude and said thank you to the universe for the birds, the chimes and the traffic. I ended up falling back to sleep which wasn’t my intention however was meant to be because it blessed me with another dream.
I don’t know who I was talking to at this point but I said I wanted to meet my mom on the astral plane. The next thing I knew my dad was giving me pointers on meditating, there was breathing and a rain stick involved. I told someone else I needed to start going to the gym to tone my body. Everything was seeming to center around a two week period, or at least that was a time frame I was perceiving in my dream.
I take timing with a grain of salt of course however upon waking up felt as though these next two weeks were crucial for me, like it’s time to get to work, or get down to business. This title crossed my path yesterday when I was at the library and perhaps now it’s making sense.
Something’s gotta give because everything is in default, especially my rent. Luckily my landlord’s cool, he knows something’s up and he’s aware I’m on a spiritual journey. He’s the one who gifted me my first deck of tarot cards that he bought at a garage sale many moons ago. In his words he ‘trusts God’ which is great because he leaves me alone. He knows I’m good for it, he just doesn’t know how I’m gonna pull it off, and quite frankly, neither do I. And that’s okay, I’m not supposed to know, that’s what makes miracles so magical.
I’m trying not to put too much pressure or any expectations on what my meditations might bring, for all I know right now it could simply be for ultimate and absolute peace of mind. Maybe I will run into my mom or a ghostly apparition, or finally meet my galactic family in others realms. Either way I’m going in because all of the above are inevitable at some point. The only way out for me right now isn’t just through, it’s within.
What I do know for sure is that my time here at the library is coming to an end, for the time being anyway. The fact that it’s closed for the next ten days, after today, speaks volumes to me. It’s time for me to master the art of stillness, where silence in stillness is golden. I need to embrace the process right along with my gentle solitary confinement knowing everything happens for a reason while my spidey senses are telling me it’s time for a deep dive.
So rad. Thank you.
Love and Light