My mom used to say I was my own worst enemy and I can’t help but feel that energy these days as I know exactly what I have to do yet find myself doing everything but. Meditation is the name of my game right now and I have to admit I’m finding it somewhat difficult to want to fully lean into it. What’s even worse so to speak is I know what the problem is and I know how to fix it yet find myself in my classic push-pull scenario. I’ve been putting out my own fires my whole life and while that looks good on paper I do believe it’s time I let go of that old belief system. Or better yet, recognize it and plow right through it.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve implemented new routines, and I’m focusing on my stillness but I also know I could be doing more, and have to do more. I need to step up to the plate again, but this time with my big girl panties on. It’s funny because about a week and half ago the movie Oblivion showed up in my feed, and while I’d seen it before, this time I knew exactly what they wanted to show me. It was the scene towards the end where he’s battling himself, I had to laugh out loud because that’s exactly what I’m going through. I’m having to take a hard look in the mirror.
I’m fighting my overprotective ego on top of everything else coming at me such as fine tuning my intuition and trusting the process while mastering my patience. I can’t help but feel like it’s a never ending process right now. I’m being forced to continually find the equanimity of every curve ball whilst dealing with my very ‘out there’ physical ailments. Whether I like it or not I’m in constant search for the goldilocks zone of life which is just another level to what this phase is all about but if ever there was a grand finale, for the love of God let this be it lol.
I’m getting a little taste of some multidimensionality because everything is happening all at once, not to mention I’m all by myself with very little (if any) outside communication. It makes it difficult to focus and concentrate when I’ve got my (unruly) thoughts coming at me like rapid fire that I’m well aware is set in place so I can learn to override them. It’s ridiculous because I know I can do this, I just feel like I’m struggling with my own identity right along side some fear of the unknown. It’s what my death and rebirth is all about. These old versions of me have to go, and if I’m being completely honest, I feel like I’m doing a little self-sabotage.
I went through a couple days of depression which was very challenging to say the least. I feel like that not only occurred to deepen my level of compassion, but also for me to learn to find the balance between the extremes of my emotions, hence my search for the (goldilocks) middle road. It’s difficult to understand let alone explain everything at this point and I know with time more will make sense. For now I’m just trying to get through my days. Everything is preparation for something else and that I do understand, but I can’t help but to feel as though it’s so much bigger than I can fathom and perhaps that scares me a wee bit.
The Akashic Records are coming in pretty loud and perhaps a big reason for meditation is to tap into this magnificent gift that happens to be a part of my destiny. Anybody can do it, it just takes discipline and focus which is everything I’m being called to do. I’m also hearing a lot about timeline jumping, dimension hopping along with telepathy, teleportation/apportation, psychokinesis/telekinesis, time slips, precognition and of course my psychic gifts that are already coming online. I just might be subconsciously blocking myself for not just fear of the unknown but also for fear of what I might discover. It’s hard to say at this point.
As far as my random ailments go my urine sometimes looks like (dark) pink grapefruit juice which was the reason for my panic attack a few weeks ago. By the time I hydrated excessively and got to urgent care they said it was peach but who has peach pee? I thought I was dying at one point because I thought I might’ve had an overlooked bladder infection that spread to my kidneys. It showed me just how fast thoughts can escalate and by the time I was seen by a doctor my whole body was under attack. I literally asked my team if I was about to have a near-death experience.
Let’s not forget that I almost did die in Costa Rica from inadequate care for a bladder infection so that only fueled the escalation. Needless to say I’m fine, my culture came back normal which had me feeling like maybe I’m nuts. I’m sure the nurses thought I was losing it too but the color was unmistakable. I don’t have an explanation for any of my fake symptoms as I like to call it. Let’s not forget the time I had (fake) pink eye. I know what pink eye feels like and I was certain I had it. I came out of that visit with no meds for pink eye but rather a brace for the broken wrist I was choosing to ignore.
The only thing I do know for certain is everything is set in place to teach me something while my body is changing. It’s why my diet has slowly but surely changed and why I can no longer tolerate certain (denseĀ and processed) foods, and why I’m eating less. I’m changing to a light body as it’s called. On some quantum level my cellular structure is completely reorganizing itself, a software update if you will. There’s a huge emphasis on my nervous system right now too and the need to keep it calm and calibrated. Sometimes when I’m laying in bed I can feel my heart beat while my body is just vibrating and ears are ringing.
Not only are my legs achy at times which keeps me from exercising, but they too get ‘zingy’ as I like to call it which feels all too similar to detox zings for my liking. It’s my nervous system rewiring itself while my DNA is doing whatever it has to do to wake up. Sometimes I get winded just from putting lotion on my body after a shower. It’s wild and you may be asking yourself why would anybody choose to do this and I would have to say that is a very good question. I have no idea where this is all taking me, I just know I have a new business for it and that it’s all for the greater good of humanity, so yay, there’s that.
I do know that when the storm is over I will be a completely different person. I will have put myself in a leadership category where I can be confident I am the lighthouse anchoring the new energy of this new era of global unity consciousness. A New Earth where we stop giving our power away and start taking care of one another. A new dawn where quantum becomes the norm, where science meets spirituality and innovators rise above with new ways of doing things.
It’s already begun and thank you to my Higher Self who literally just stepped in to save the day with reminding me what it’s all about. The universe is squeezing me into all these tight situations in order for me to become the master I came here to be. Right now it’s all about mastering my emotions and mastering my thoughts in order to master this reality. Death. Transformation. Rebirth. I’m in preparation for a new path, a new beginning. I’m not malfunctioning, I’m awakening. And besides, nobody likes a boring successful story.
Love and Light